January 11th, 2002
How do I manage not to update this thing?
Last night I dreamt that MS [a girl I was living with at the time] was crying. I thought I’d try comforting her to I was all like trying to be nice and stuff and then she yells at me “Get your hands off of me” and starts yelling her head off. I guess either I came off as a little sarcastic and cruel or something, or maybe I was being sarcastic without realizing it, but she was pissed. And then a friend of hers, who was this tubby black chick from [my boss’]’s vacation photos (jeez, talk about obscure character!) came in to defend her. It’s a crappy situation. Some other shit happened, some cool possibly involving monsters, but I don’t remember.
I had a brief run of father-themed dreams the week before last (or maybe last week). The first was that the family, along with uncle F and aunt F (this year’s Christmas crowd) were outside this house in this large-ish clearing, in the middle of the night, the place lit by the moon, were being hunted by wolves. Killer wolves, big ones. Like halfway between a dog and a horse size. Anyway, we were packing up to leave the place, but they came soon so some of us couldn’t take the car… we were running through the woods, with me in the middle roughly and dad and D [the family dog] in last. And the whole time I was thinking “Poor D, I hope she’s gets out of this” until I picked her up and carried her because I was so worried, then I realized how incredibly mean it was to think that and not think a thing for my father who was closer to death than any of us or the dog.
The next dream came not two nights later, and well I dunno what to say. I cried in it because I felt bad I have been so neglectful of my father. I wonder if it’s true. I mean we never get along and I’m not fond of him which I’ve always assumed it’s because he’s a dick sometimes but what if it’s my fault? I mean he can be ok sometimes. Maybe I’ve spent so much energy hating him the past couple years I lived with him that I never really got to see anything else, never got to know him. That’s how I feel, I feel like I’ve alienated myself from him, and him from me. Anyway, the dream did contain a bit where we (the family and maybe an uncle or two) were in a shopping mall-ish, food court-type place probably, dad shouts something at the table not to far away and basically picks a fight, dunnno why but I assume it was a good reason cuz these guys got up and were all tough and one had a sword and shit. I’m all like stepping in to defend dad, and I’m like Goku or something. The guy with this big-ass sword (more like a machete 10 times too big) pulls back to take a swing at me and I use my blinding speed to run around the other way and grab the sword from behind before he can even take the swing. Then I generate this huge energy ball and am holding it over my head and mom’s like “Oh come on, don’t do it” and I chuck it at the table they were sitting at, which blows apart and scatters across the floor. Alarms go off, people get up and run out. That’s it.
I just remembered something – also in or around that MS dream I also had a hadoukaning experience. But in this one, the energy ball was sticky and whoever I was throwing it at – possibly a group of feral kids or small bandit people – were not overly impressed as I tried to unstick it from my hands. It was hanging off like a bag of glowing energy, weightless to me but behaving like it had weight, sagging towards the ground. How humiliating.