how not to home renovate


I had a dream the other night that I moved the toilet into my room. I had a reason but it escapes me. There was a party or some sort of festival going on inside our apartment, which had the feel of a place we just moved in. Anyway I took a dump in it and flushed it, and my worries about it overflowing ended up being completely unfounded… for the first flush. Then it overflowed on its own, and the entire dream was a struggle to sort the water out and protect my things as the room began to flood with all kinds of gross things on the solid-to-liquid spectrum. Of particular concern was when this foul stuff began touching my various power bars and sparks were shooting everywhere. The only thing worse than wading through a torrent of human waste is wading through an electrified torrent of human waste. Plus electricity + organic matter, I dunno somehow I think a gross golem or homunculus is going to come out of that.

It’s worth pointing out that I do actually have experience installing a toilet. A roommate of mine, N, once chose to flush the cap of a shaving cream bottle down the toilet rather than reach into the bowl to retrieve it. His solution to the inevitable clogging was to throw out the toilet and install a new one. Would it surprise you to learn that he’s actually an intelligent and practical person? Because he somehow is, in spite of highlights of his life like this.


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