a traditional Space Italian wedding


At some kid’s house, watching cartoons with the kids before a big Thanksgiving-ish meal. The cartoon is about a hero of some kind who goes to another planet, a pock-marked thing of valleys and mountains with no atmosphere to speak of, searching for a base they had lost contact with under a black sky. So he’s in his space suit and he finds and rescues a child or three from the base that had presumably been overrun somehow. space doggieThis is all fine and good, but then it gets progressively more absurd.

The next thing I know he’s got a dog on this planet with him, and the dog has a space helmet but no space suit – the helmet is just this dome that seems sealed up to his skin on his neck, so the dog’s naked body is exposed to the pressure and temperature and suchlike of this planet. Dumb! Then he makes a second trip to the planet, and this time it’s full of creatures, all kinds of animals. The space outside the base is just teeming with life. There is also an indigenous population of intelligent humanoids, who strongly resemble Italian-Americans. This part pissed me off – it had been previously established that this place was cold and without atmosphere.

So now I’m on the planet, and I have to go to a Space Italian wedding. And it’s full of rituals and dances that I don’t know anything about. All the men have to link arms on one side so they form a big line, and the guy next to me is DF (a friend of mine’s horrible ex husband, who was super Italian American and is a chef). Since our friendship had never technically ended (I’m still friends with him on Facebook, though we never communicate), I felt it was ok to talk to him, so I ask him how he’s been, and then he blurts out something about his work that I didn’t understand, and had to ask him to repeat. Something about making food for people attending plays. After the ceremony, these other Italian guys who I was apparently already friends with (who seemed like they belonged on Jersey Shore) started arguing about weather or not the Incredible Hulk from the (IRL non-existent) 30’s TV iteration of the franchise was played by an Estonian.
Then I was back in the house with the kids watching the show. Only now we were in some rickety wharf house. Tentacles rise from the water – there is a massive squid that wants to eat us. Each of its appendages was unique looking, and very plant-like. They seemed to have their own sensory organs – strange indentations, protrusions and other details that could be any number of things, including eyes, noses, ears, and other orifices and things that had no clear purpose. They burst up through the floor of the wharf house in an attempt to grab us.

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